Going Raw: More Than a 30-day Challenge

Today is the first day of a 30-day Raw Challenge I'm doing with two of my friends. Just had lunch: so far so good, haha. For those of you who don't know what that entails me eating, here's a lovely food pyramid of the only stuff I'm allowed to eat:

I know it will be a challenge, but considering how disciplined I've been in my diet the past 3-4 months [having already lost 50 lbs] I'm only cutting out a few more things now to go "raw"... I'm ready for the challenge, so I'm all in!

As I was thinking about "going raw" for 30 days I started thinking about how I've been "going raw" spiritually the past few months too—but it definitely wasn't my idea—and it's been going on way longer than 30 days.

I have been in this grueling, painful, "raw" process all summer. God has been revealing a lot of stuff to me for months, but I wasn't fully grasping or listening. I was weak. I didn't know how to value myself, or honor what God has created me for.

It took some very painful experiences to actually get to a place of being "raw" with Jesus, and letting Him do what He really wants to do in my heart and life.

What do I mean by "raw"? Well let's start with some definitions:

raw  [raw]  
1.uncooked, as articles of food: a raw carrot. 
2.not having undergone processes of preparing, dressing, finishing, refining, or manufacture: raw cotton. 
3.unnaturally or painfully exposed, as flesh, by removal of the skin or natural integument. 
4.painfully open, as a sore or wound. 
5.ignorant, inexperienced, or untrained: a raw recruit. 
6.brutally or grossly frank: a raw portrayal of human passions.

There were a lot more definitions. But I really relate to words like "unnaturally or painfully exposed",  "painfully open", and "ignorant, inexperienced, or untrained"... The stuff I've had to go through personally is excruciating and hard. I feel like I've lost parts of myself, and of my heart, and I have to pray daily that God will completely restore it. Being somewhat "ignorant, inexperienced, and untrained" is also what led me to a lot of this "rawness" I've been experiencing.

But I believe that what Paul talks about happening to himself in 2 Corinthians 12 is what a lot of us will walk through, have walked through, or are currently walking through in some shape or form:

"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I'm not sure exactly what this "thorn" was [or "handicap" as other translations refer to it] but it's a reminder of how God will allow things, circumstances, trials, etc, to come into our life—so that when these storms of life come against us, we can lean on Jesus—because He is strong. His grace is enough.

Too often we lean not on Him, but on OURSELVES and OTHERS to get through pain and hardships. And that's not how it works.

God has had to strip me down to the raw, nitty-gritty. I'm nowhere near the same person I was a year ago, or even 6 months ago, and I don't ever want to go back. My life, my mentality, my concerns—they might have been much more "safe" and carefree back then...but it was getting me nowhere and I was being deceived—not only by people, but by myself.

Ignorance may be bliss, but I know that the lessons I am learning and the things I am walking through are all a part of a greater purpose—a greater story. And God is the BEST Author and Storyteller.

This story may have a WHOLE lotta conflict and pain in it, but I know the climax and resolution are gonna be amazing—and worth the trials and pain.

I'm still feeling "raw". I'm still learning, struggling, hurting. I forget that He is enough. That He says I am worthy. That there is more. That He is good. I forget sometimes. But then I press in.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 3:12-14

I was reading a devotional by Christina Caine and I really loved the correlation she made between physical and spiritual health. Here's an excerpt:

"I believe that as Christians we all possess a sincere desire to love God with all our hearts, yet we often unknowingly allow little things to build up inside of us. Slowly, these small subtle obstructions form very large blockages, which over a period of time clog our spiritual arteries and harden our hearts by depriving them of access to their life source. We must do whatever it takes to ensure that these have no place in our lives as followers of Jesus."

My advice: live a RAW life.

[not the WWE kind- I just like the pic] ;)

Let God strip away all the lies, all the dirt, all the grime—even if it's "painfully open" or "painfully exposed"—it'll be worth it in the end. Because raw is real—and why be anything but that?

Song of the Day:

Katy Perry- Roar

[my anthem of the moment] :)

Grace: The Rarely-told Story

Lately I've been struggling with anger and un-forgiveness... but I realized there was one person I was probably more angry at and unforgiving towards than any of these other people that pop in my mind lately: Myself.

I can be really hard on myself. And I can be really prideful. It's hard for me to fail in front of people. I've been going through a lot of pain and hurt the past few months, but something I realized lately is that I'm really angry at myself...and I need to let myself off the hook.

I take a lot of responsibility when bad things happen to me. Some of the responsibility is fair—but a lot is unfair.

I used to have crazy thoughts growing up, like: if I stumped my toe, I would wonder "What did I do God?!" Haha. Like, the littlest things would make me wonder "Are You There God?! Why am I being punished?!"

But the older, and thankfully wiser I've gotten, I've realized that my view of God was SO off. I mean, I was being a normal 6 or 7 year old, but if I stumped my toe, hurt myself, etc- it must be because God was mad at me, right? Wrong. That's ridiculous.

But I know this "Big, Angry, Punishing God" view is one that many of us grew up with.

But the closer you get to Him...the closer you get to His heart...the more you realize how wonderfully LOVING and FORGIVING He is. Bad stuff happens—Yes. But it's not because God is punishing us. It's because we live in a messed up world, with messed up people, and God gave us free will. And yano, sometimes "crap" just happens.

And lately, a whole lotta crap is going on that I have no control over. I've condemned myself for a lot of it, because I somehow struggle with "Could I have done something to prevent this?! What did I do to deserve this?!"

And the answer is: nothing.

I'm a firm believer in there are consequences for our actions, our decisions, our choices—but I'm a non-believer in the idea that God is mad at me for being human and making mistakes sometimes.

I got a secret to tell you: God knew we were gonna mess up.

He knows we're human. He knows we like to sin! And be selfish, un-grateful, un-forgiving, un-loving, etc. He's not stupid. He's GOD.

Which is why I wont live in un-forgiveness or condemnation—towards myself or towards anyone else. We're gonna make mistakes, we're not always gonna "get it right the first time", but that's ok. God never expected us to be perfect.

It reminds me of that analogy of a parent watching their baby learn how to walk: The parent is so excited when they start going for it! Then *kerplunk*—they fall. Have you ever heard a parent yell at their baby after they fell? "Ahhh!! You idiot!!! WHY DID YOU FALL!?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?!"
Haha, no! That's ridiculous isnt it?!

In the same way, its ridiculous for us to feel like God feels that way toward us when we fall.

Just like the parents of those walking toddlers: God's just happy we were trying! He's proud of us for our effort. And He knows eventually, we're gonna get it. Some make it on the first try, but more-often-than-not, you have to fail a few times before you get it right.

Too often we forget that beautiful, precious, sweet word said multiple times in the Bible:

It's actually mentioned 170 times in the Bible. Pretty popular word I guess...and popular practice by God maybe?

When you truly understand what grace means, that's when you are changed and can walk in real, genuine freedom.

There's many people who try and abuse this gift of grace—try being the key word—but we cant worry about those people who always seem to play the "grace card"... Galatians 6:7-8 comes to mind:

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life."

If you're sowing into unproductive, unedifying, unholy things—that's what you're going to reap in return. God gives us freedom, but with freedom comes consequences for our decisions and choices.

But remember: God's not a perfectionist. He just wants our best. He sees our hearts, our motives, and as long as we are trying our best... that's all He asks for. There is Grace.

Too often we beat ourselves up. We feel unhappy with where we're at, what we're doing, what we've done, who we are. But as Richard Stearns of World Vision says it:

"God doesn't make any losers. Jesus came to turn losers into winners. You are a child of the King, a unique one-of-a-kind miracle, and you were created to play a critical role in the big story of God."

"Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him." -1 Corinthians 1:26-29

I'll leave you with this Christian poster I saw once that was kinda corny as a poster, but kinda awesome as a reminder of the kind of people God uses. So whenever you're feeling crummy about yourself, down on your luck, unusable, unlovable, etc, remember:  God has used people who have done way "worse" than you may ever do, and He loves redeeming us and using us for His glory. 

He's pretty awesome like that. Walk in freedom. Walk in grace. It's free!

Song of the Day:

United Pursuit Band- Story of Grace

Shove it, Lucy.

I've been reading a lot in my devotionals on "battles" and "vision" and that Jordin Sparks song "Battlefield" popped into my head today... yall remember it, right? If not:

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

Why does love always feel like ...
a battlefield (battlefield)
a battlefield (battlefield)
a battlefield (battlefield)
[repeat]

Haha, I loved that song.

But I've been going through a different kind of battle lately. A battle between Good and Evil...Purpose and Hopelessness...Passion and Apathy.

Ask any of my close friends: you talk to me lately, and it's almost like my "light" is gone...it likes to appear once in awhile—i'll crack some jokes, laugh here and there—but, for the most part, my joy has been quenched. My passion and purpose have been dulled. I'm struggling for peace.

A lot of these emotions are situation-based...but they've been going on for months now, and it's getting old, you know? But I'm constantly reminding myself: "This too shall pass". I try and remind myself that I DO have a purpose... God DOES have a plan... even when I cant see it.

But it's a battle nonetheless.

In one of my devotions the other day, Richard Stearns, of World Vision, wrote:

"Act—As you look through the lens of God’s kingdom rescue mission and in the context of your own gifts and abilities, what is it that needs doing that you can do? It is time to act. Earl Palmer observed, “God can’t steer a parked car.” Commit to serving him without conditions and move in the direction of your gifts and your passions, trusting that God will steer and lead."

We cant let circumstances, trials, struggles, etc affect our pursuit of Love and Joy. His love is unconditional, so I cant let my circumstances put "conditions" on my passion and love for Him either.

Proverbs 29:18 says:

"Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he."

I'm currently reading "Keep Your Love On" by Danny Silk, and in it he says:

"One of the reasons people perish without a vision is that they cannot endure the pain and cost required to achieve any worthwhile purpose... Only vision can give a purpose to your pain, which enables you to endure it and reach your goal."

Vision. We all need it. No matter how big or small.

Even if your vision is just to make it through today—that's vision. Even if your vision is just to be kind and show love to your annoying co-worker—that's vision. Even if your vision is to be the best mom possible—that's vision.

Vision comes in all shapes and sizes. But I feel like God is calling me into a bigger vision. I have some ideas on what it could look like, but I'm in the beginning stages of seeing it out.

In "Keep Your Love On" Danny also says:

"Against every effort on our part to get our lives together and recover from damage, hurt, and ruin, we will experience opposition from the enemy... Almost invariably his first attempt to halt such recovery is to discourage us through ridicule, derision, or rejection."

Where there is Good, there is most assuredly Evil. The enemy is real. He's alive and well and flourishes daily in many lives. He has a foothold in many Christians lives too.

Jesus says:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." -John 10:10

We're not in this battle alone though. Jesus said He came to give us LIFE. And not just a regular, ordinary life—but an ABUNDANT life.

The enemy is a liar, a deceiver, and a con-artist. He'll make something look so tantalizing, so intriguing, so believable, so real—he can keep us bound up in deception for months, even years. Tell him where he can take his discouragement, ridicule and rejection—back to hell, that's where—Let Jesus fight your battles.

I dunno about you, but I'm gonna let Jesus take this one. 

I say "Shove it, Lucy! (<- as Mel Tari calls Lucifer, haha, I loved it when he said it.)

He's full of you-know-what, and I'm not gonna let him keep me in my "damage, hurt and ruin."

And I pray the same for you. I pray that whoever is reading this right now will stop believing the lies he's trying to tell you. He might be telling you you're worthless, unvaluable, unlovable, unpopular, ugly, stupid, hopeless, a failure—whatever it may be—dont believe it. 

You might have to make it a daily practice of telling yourself these truths over and over...but once you start practicing it—it becomes a habit :)

Immerse yourself in His Word. You'll find truths that will wash over those lies.

You ARE worthy. You ARE valuable. You ARE loved. You ARE NOT hopeless.

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy." -1 Peter 2:9-10

Song of the Day:

Will Reagan- Take Back (one of my faves lately)

Conflict: The True Story

This week I have been reading a lot on the subject of conflict.

God has purposefully dropped some huge lessons in my lap this week that I came upon without even Googling them, haha. They came at a very needed time. After the impact they have had on my perspective and spirit this week, how could I not share?

If you've read any of my other blogs, I have been admittedly in one of the hardest seasons of my life. And this subject of "conflict" is a theme in my life, especially the last few months. I have been extremely worn down, brokenhearted, weary, depressed—you name it—because of a couple different "conflicts" in my life. I'm one of those people that over-analyzes everything, thinks way too much, and well, I work in an office, so I have a lot of time to "dwell" and think about things [especially when they're going wrong].

Despite these things I struggle with, I know God has made me who I am. He knew I was gonna be an over-analyzer. He knew I was gonna be a very sensitive person. He knew I was gonna think a lot, care a lot, try to "fix" things a lot. Crazy enough, He actually uses some of these characteristics for His GLORY—despite the times I get in the way and take things to a level I shouldn't. Funny how He works like that.

I read a blog everyday by one of my favorite writers/authors, Donald Miller. He's awesome. Check him out. I was reading a free chapter online from his book "Storyline: Finding Your Subplot in God's Story", and guess what the subject of the only free chapter was about?! Yep: conflict!

He talks about conflict [trials, tribulations, suffering, struggles, controversy, quarrels] and quotes:

"Suffering ceases to be suffering when we understand it from a redemptive perspective." -Viktor Frankl 

A "redemptive perspective"—Yes. Exactly. God has been showing me this a lot lately. That's the mindset we need. Because whatever kind of "conflict" you're going through: you've lost a loved one, you've broken up with a gf/bf, you and your best friend are fighting, you've been raped, used, abused, mistreated, gossiped about, the list could go on and on—those "sufferings" don't have to define you. Change your perspective on your situation and God will redeem that situation and turn it all around. For GOOD.

Donald loves to use analogies like you're life is a story, or a movie. I love it. He says in any good story there has to be conflict. And while conflict can be difficult, painful, awful: most conflict will make us better in the end. For the whole, amazing chapter if you want to read it: click here. If not, here's the Cliffs Notes version ;)

Conflict is the only way a person changes: You cant change if you are content—being put under pressure is what will change you—We feel joy when we've conquered our conflict.

Conflict lends value to that which we attain: The pain of the journey makes us appreciate the beauty of the reward at the end—You wont value anything you didn't have to fight for!

Some conflict is intended by God: Donald talked about how Adam longed for something, but instead of giving him Eve right away, God made him name the animals—which he pointed out could have taken Adam anywhere from 10-100 yrs! Never thought about how long he "waited" for the "longings of his heart" (Eve, in this case). Conflict can build our character and have us appreciate His provision.

God can redeem ALL conflict: He wants us to display courage and hope in the midst of challenges. He'll use ALL things for good—We just have to give it up to Him, and let Him do what He does!

God call us into conflict:  He calls us into a life of meaning, not "comfort"... Jesus asks us to take up our cross and follow Him (Luke 9:23) —that's conflict. He actually told us there would be trials and tribulations (John 16:33). He never promised it would be easy—just worth it.

Conflict is resistance: The Bible talks about "fighting the good fight" and "running the race set before us".... Steven Pressfield says:

"When something beautiful is trying to come into the world it will face an equal and opposite resistance."  

So, if you consider yourself one of His—then you better believe what you have to offer this world is beautiful. So be assured: you're gonna face conflict, resistance, hurdles, trials, confusion—all of it—trying to bring your gift into this world and keep it there. But it's so worth it.

Living great stories means entering into a world of risk and fear. Did you know that it says "Do not fear" in the Bible, over 200 times??—we weren't designed to play it safe—we were designed for adventure! Your life was made for adventure. And so was mine.

Moral of the story: Conflict: Face it, redeem it, conquer it, & allow it to mold your character.

James said it best:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1:2-4

God is with you, through whatever conflict you may be going through right now. He's there. Call on His name. He's the only source of hope and peace that wont disappoint during hard times. I have to remind myself of this truth daily—but it will get better. It's true for me, and true for you too.

As my college ministry pastor Mario always said:
"God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good." :)

Song of the Day:

Misty Edwards- Turn it all around