Shove it, Lucy.

I've been reading a lot in my devotionals on "battles" and "vision" and that Jordin Sparks song "Battlefield" popped into my head today... yall remember it, right? If not:

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

Why does love always feel like ...
a battlefield (battlefield)
a battlefield (battlefield)
a battlefield (battlefield)
[repeat]

Haha, I loved that song.

But I've been going through a different kind of battle lately. A battle between Good and Evil...Purpose and Hopelessness...Passion and Apathy.

Ask any of my close friends: you talk to me lately, and it's almost like my "light" is gone...it likes to appear once in awhile—i'll crack some jokes, laugh here and there—but, for the most part, my joy has been quenched. My passion and purpose have been dulled. I'm struggling for peace.

A lot of these emotions are situation-based...but they've been going on for months now, and it's getting old, you know? But I'm constantly reminding myself: "This too shall pass". I try and remind myself that I DO have a purpose... God DOES have a plan... even when I cant see it.

But it's a battle nonetheless.

In one of my devotions the other day, Richard Stearns, of World Vision, wrote:

"Act—As you look through the lens of God’s kingdom rescue mission and in the context of your own gifts and abilities, what is it that needs doing that you can do? It is time to act. Earl Palmer observed, “God can’t steer a parked car.” Commit to serving him without conditions and move in the direction of your gifts and your passions, trusting that God will steer and lead."

We cant let circumstances, trials, struggles, etc affect our pursuit of Love and Joy. His love is unconditional, so I cant let my circumstances put "conditions" on my passion and love for Him either.

Proverbs 29:18 says:

"Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he."

I'm currently reading "Keep Your Love On" by Danny Silk, and in it he says:

"One of the reasons people perish without a vision is that they cannot endure the pain and cost required to achieve any worthwhile purpose... Only vision can give a purpose to your pain, which enables you to endure it and reach your goal."

Vision. We all need it. No matter how big or small.

Even if your vision is just to make it through today—that's vision. Even if your vision is just to be kind and show love to your annoying co-worker—that's vision. Even if your vision is to be the best mom possible—that's vision.

Vision comes in all shapes and sizes. But I feel like God is calling me into a bigger vision. I have some ideas on what it could look like, but I'm in the beginning stages of seeing it out.

In "Keep Your Love On" Danny also says:

"Against every effort on our part to get our lives together and recover from damage, hurt, and ruin, we will experience opposition from the enemy... Almost invariably his first attempt to halt such recovery is to discourage us through ridicule, derision, or rejection."

Where there is Good, there is most assuredly Evil. The enemy is real. He's alive and well and flourishes daily in many lives. He has a foothold in many Christians lives too.

Jesus says:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." -John 10:10

We're not in this battle alone though. Jesus said He came to give us LIFE. And not just a regular, ordinary life—but an ABUNDANT life.

The enemy is a liar, a deceiver, and a con-artist. He'll make something look so tantalizing, so intriguing, so believable, so real—he can keep us bound up in deception for months, even years. Tell him where he can take his discouragement, ridicule and rejection—back to hell, that's where—Let Jesus fight your battles.

I dunno about you, but I'm gonna let Jesus take this one. 

I say "Shove it, Lucy! (<- as Mel Tari calls Lucifer, haha, I loved it when he said it.)

He's full of you-know-what, and I'm not gonna let him keep me in my "damage, hurt and ruin."

And I pray the same for you. I pray that whoever is reading this right now will stop believing the lies he's trying to tell you. He might be telling you you're worthless, unvaluable, unlovable, unpopular, ugly, stupid, hopeless, a failure—whatever it may be—dont believe it. 

You might have to make it a daily practice of telling yourself these truths over and over...but once you start practicing it—it becomes a habit :)

Immerse yourself in His Word. You'll find truths that will wash over those lies.

You ARE worthy. You ARE valuable. You ARE loved. You ARE NOT hopeless.

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy." -1 Peter 2:9-10

Song of the Day:

Will Reagan- Take Back (one of my faves lately)

The "F" word...

No, not that "F word"... did I fool ya? ;) haha. If only I could write a blog on that...it'd probably be a much easier subject than this "F word":  Forgiveness.

for·give  [fer-giv]
1. To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
2. To renounce anger or resentment against.
3. To absolve from payment of (a debt, for example).

I've always thought of myself as a very forgiving person. I hate to have bad blood between me and anyone...I try and give people the benefit of the doubt...I try and see the good in all people...I love to "fix" things...I love to "communicate"...and I love having people like me! Haha, who doesn't?

But lately I have really been tested in this area. Forgiveness, grace, mercy, compassion—all of it goes hand-in-hand. So I just wanted to talk about my experience with this, in hopes that maybe it will encourage someone reading this, who might be going through something similar or will in the future.

The past 2 months have probably been the hardest months of my life. To sum it up without being too exposing: 

-My entire immediate family moving out to Wyoming [parents, older sis, bro-in-law, and their 5 kids].
-My little sister and her husband are moving to Thailand in a few months for who knows how long.
-If that wasn't hard enough, a couple close friends have hurt me deeply and have disappeared from my life. 

Needless to say, I feel pretty lonely and abandoned here in big, ole' Florida. At the time when I need friends the most, a handful of the ones closest to me seem to be nowhere in sight. And that's hard.

If these "changes" were one at a time, I'm sure it'd be easier...but all these things happened all at once, and I'm struggling. It's like that fun, lil' quote goes: "When it rains, it pours."

The hardest kind of forgiveness is the kind where someone wrongs you, but they don't apologize or try and right the wrong...so you have to forgive them without ever feeling "justified" or "reconciled" or anything... You just have to let go... That's the hardest kind, and that's the kind I'm going through lately.

Luckily, my stubbornness comes in handy here—because I've decided that I wont let anyone have control like that over me. That's what happens to you if you cant forgive someone and move on—you give them a power over you—a control. I saw this quote a long time ago and always liked it:

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” -Lewis B. Smedes

So, I have been in this process of forgiveness. That's what forgiveness really is: a process. Someone hurts you, you forgive them, and even though you may truly forgiven them right then, the pain/hurt/offense is sure to pop up again...the enemy is sneaky like that. Sometimes it's the next day, week, or it might not pop up until years later—but you have to continually choose to forgive—and show those people grace and mercy, even when they don't deserve it.

This isnt the end of the story for me. There's always going to be some offense that will pop up, in need of forgiveness—it's just up to us whether we decide to pick up that offense and carry it around on our backs—letting it drag us down. It's a hard, but worthwhile process. It's like I told a close friend in an email recently:

"I have good days and bad days. A lot of lonely days, but God will/is sustaining me. He's a good Dad, and I just gotta put my faith in Him when man/"friends" fail... I feel stronger week by week...I'm easily consumed by my problems though...but I'm laying these things down continually to Him and trying not to focus on whats going WRONG, cuz there's still good stuff going right too :) God knows what I need when I need it...thats what I tell myself. He's in control :)"

God has been showing me a lot about grace and forgiveness. I know I don't "deserve" the grace and forgiveness I've been given...that's for darn sure...so who am I to withhold it from someone else?

I've been looking at this quote daily to remind myself of the right mindset to have:

“A warrior mindset is always focused on victory. It allows no possibility of defeat. It does not retreat. It stands under extreme pressure. It advances by God’s permission. The Lord has a language of intimidation; it’s called worship. Your intimacy intimidates the enemy. Never forget that he is afraid of rejoicing hearts. He cannot stay in the presence of real praise.” -Graham Cooke

Victory- yes! I wont give up on love- or people. It's all about renewing your mind and your thought life. We have to change our perspectives on our situations, change unhealthy thought-patterns and habits that get us back in the same situations over and over, and choose to walk in the truth daily! [props to Mr. Davis for that reminder last Sunday :)]. Block out the lies that say "well, if so-n-so used me, everyone is gonna use me"..."if so-n-so hurt my trust, I cant trust anyone"...those are lies, and you cant let your past define your future. 

There's a quote I saw from one of my favorite authors, Danny Silk. He has a book called "Keep Your Love On" that I haven't read yet, but he quotes on Facebook all the time. The other day he said:

"Turning your love back on after it has been off is even more powerful then turning it on the first time. Turning your love back on after the experience of pain means that your choice to love one another can not be conditioned by what the other person does or dose not do. KYLO!!!" -Danny Silk

That goes hand-in-hand with what the Bible says [more references: Matt. 6:14-15, Matt. 18:21-22]:

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." -Ephesians 4:32

So simple, but so powerful. "Keep Your Love On", people. And forgive. Over and over. With no expectations. Your spirit will thank you, and eventually, those people you forgive might even thank you too :)

Song of the Day: 

Oceans (Where feet may fail)- Hillsong United :)