Was That Bells I Heard? Cause I Just Got Schooled!

I was thinking today how I got SCHOOLED. Big time. 

By who? Who else...The Man!

God has been schooling me a lot lately.

I loved learning growing up. I loved knowledge, friends, school activities. I loved all the social and informational aspects of school...but I cant say I really loved school itself.

Growing up, especially in high school, my school days were showered with tons of absences, or tardees, haha. I hated waking up. So, I didn't normally, unless my mom made me. Haha.

Also in high school, I would make "cheat sheets" just to make sure I passed tests... I wanted to do other things besides studying [you know, get on AOL instant messenger and chat with my friends who I saw all day at school...or watch Boy Meets World or TRL...important stuff ;)] Even if I knew the material, I thought: "Better safe than sorry!"... FYI kids, I was .10 of a point away from being an honor grad, actually having my GPA count and getting Bright Futures... see where cheating gets you? In debt. For college. Because you didn't study and get scholarships. Haha.

But God sometimes does a different kind of "schooling"... His isn't always in your face.

I have found time and time again it's learned by hit and miss. Trial and error. Learning as you go. He doesn't force learning on you, it just happens.

The biggest thing I've been "schooled" in lately is not only how His love looks like for me, but how His love looks like for others.

To love like Jesus. I don't think most of us can truly wrap our head around what that really looks like, lived out.

We try our best. Usually. At least until it becomes inconvenient...or someone annoys us too much... or hurts us too bad...or screws us over too much... then, Deuces! They're out.

My friend Sam knows I've been having a hard time liking some people lately, so she sent me an excerpt from this book she's reading. It said:

"You might think, "I'll forgive the person who hurt me, but he doesn't deserve my friendship, so that's where I draw the line." Or you might force the words. "I forgive you" out of your mouth but resist actually granting them from the heart. But "to forgive is to give people more than their due"; it is a gift from the heart. (Matt.18:35)

I've written about forgiveness before. Not only is forgiveness a process, but it's something that takes actual effort. It takes actual sacrifice. It takes work. It takes love.

I was reading an email from Donald Miller, and in it he said:

"I don’t have the responsibility to change any of the adults around me. They have control over their lives and I have control over mine. That's ordained by God and any other dynamic quickly becomes toxic. I can inspire people or encourage them or even rebuke them but it’s not my responsibility to change them. What if, instead, people have been given to us by God for ours and their enjoyment. There are, of course, unsafe people, but I’m talking about those people we trust, friends and trusted family members. I want to start replacing my “fix” response with an “enjoy” response and just let people be themselves."

This theme has really been meaningful in my life lately.

One of my favorite authors, Danny Silk, said it like this:

"Building a connection is all about your approach to the other person, it is not about you creating change in the other person."

It's not our job to change someone. That's God's job. Christians get this wrong way too often.

There's people chanting in the streets, on the corner, with signs, banners, words... and most the time, it's not out of love... it's out of judgement...or out of a desire to change people, and make them "think like you"...

Since when do people who don't call themselves Christians actually think like Christians? Isn't it the Holy Spirit's job to do the convicting? The changing? Our job is to love like Jesus. Period. 

Like Donald pointed out, yes, we can "inspire people or encourage them or even rebuke them" [in love] —not change. There's a difference.

I was reading a blog written by Sarah Thebarge, titled "Why Drive-By Charity is Ruining Your View of God", in it she said:

"Loving the world this way isn't cheap — it comes at a high personal cost — but it’s simple...It just requires us to be present where we are.

If each of us took the time to know and unconditionally love the people living next door to us…

If we didn't run away from the brokenness but lived in it…

If we didn't try to protect ourselves from the messiness but embraced it…

And if everyone we came in contact with did the same…

…well, that kind of thing could change the world."

I was really challenged reading that. Now living it: that's the real challenge. 

I get worn out with love often. It seems more times than not, it isn't always reciprocated—at least in the way I expect or think it should be.

But loving people, the way Jesus does, "it comes at a high personal cost"—Yes. The cost being: Your pride. Your self-righteousness. Your time.

I've been guilty plenty of times thinking and saying "Uhh, I'm not Jesus, I just cant do it that way, or that perfect..." Yes, we will never be perfect...but if we truly practiced loving people this way...the way He does...then "practice" would definitely help to "make perfect."

As Heidi Baker always says about people: "Love Them to Life."

Think about it. I sure have been.

Was that bells I heard? 'Cause, now, you just got schooled! ;)

;)

Song of the Day:

Sidewalk Prophets- "Live Like That"

Mother Truckin' Transparency

When I woke up this morning I still hadn't decided what to write about, but then, after reading an email devotional from my boy Donald Miller, I was inspired.

The title was "Great Parents Seem To Do This Well". In it Donald says:

"Kids with parents who are open and honest about their own shortcomings are better adjusted, and parents who want to be seen as perfect have kids that often aren't."

He goes on to talk about how kids who grow up in homes where the parents are so focused on setting an example or coming across perfect "don’t feel permission to be human or flawed and don’t trust God has forgiven them."

This made me reflect on my interaction with a lot of Christians over the past few years, and made me reflect on myself. Because I got a news flash for all reading: I'm not perfect.

*GASP* Yep, I'm reaaaally sorry to burst your bubble, but it just isn't so... I'm not now, nor will I ever be.

Also, if you thought because I'm a Christian, I'm supposed to be perfect for that sole reason alone- then you must have never read the Bible... Haha, because it's showered with imperfect people...hot mess after hot mess...lots of flawed people that somehow, by the grace of God, He decided to use and love.

It literally wasn't until the past couple of years that I started to realize the importance of not trying to look like I have it all together, and just being more honest and transparent in my words and actions. Lately, I've been a little more extreme in this, but I don't think I need to apologize for it.

Example: Lately, I will from time-to-time drop a couple s-bombs [haha, like f-bombs, but you know, not that word]. Are you confused? Ok, let me just type the dreaded, "bad" word: shit. The past few months, "shit" has probably come out of my mouth more times that it ever has in my 27 years on this earth. Haha.

Am I an advocate for cussing? No. Am I an advocate for being real and transparent though? Yes.

Sometimes, in the heat of certain pains or circumstances, me saying the word "crap" does not suffice for what I'm really feeling and going through. If I'm talking to a close friend, crying my eyes out because of some pain I'm going through, and I say "There's just so much shit going on, I cant even function right"...should that Christian friend reprimand me and say "Keri! Don't say that!"? No. Not helpful, annoying, and they're definitely missing the point.

Do we need to be careful of our audience (i.e. young, impressionable children, etc) Yes, of course! Does it make me a "bad Christian" if I say shit sometimes? No, not at all. Because do you know what I've come to realize? Jesus doesn't give a shit if I say shit. [I almost titled the blog that, haha].

I'm smiling to myself as I write that, because I can just see the bugged-eyed, religious looks come across people's faces as they read that. Christians seem to care more about when other Christians cuss more than they seem to care if a fellow Christian is treating others badly, and dishonoring and disrespecting them in other ways. This just shouldn't be. Where are our priorities?

God cares about the heart of a person, the intent. I heard it put this way before: It's the context, not the content.

And yes, I'm familiar with all the Bible verses people recite to condemn people who cuss. They're all listed out here if you'd like to read them.

Make note, this is not a blog telling you if you're a Christian you should cuss freely and openly like everyone whenever, however, all the time. There's definitely much less offensive, more intelligent words to use in regular-day life... but FYI, using all those "Christianese cuss-words" doesn't make you any better than the person who actually says the real word.

Examples: Mother-trucker. Eff. Frick. Friggin. Flippin. Crap. Shiz. Shoot. Dang. Darn. Heck- to name a few. And I definitely use those too.

The point of my cussing rant?

People aren't perfect & we need to stop acting like we are. It's not helping anyone, especially those non-Christians we hope to influence or inspire with our lives.

Going back to what Donald, and I, are trying to relay: Transparency and not putting on a fake-I-got-it-all-together-face is what children and young adults need growing up from their parents and mentors. And my belief is it's what Christians need from each other too.

Donald finished by saying:

"If we want families that are less ordinary and more healthy, lets teach our kids, by example, that it’s okay to be human. When they’re old enough, lets begin to confess our sins to our children, even letting them know how sorry we are that our humanity has hurt them in some way. Kids who have parents who confess their sins grow up believing in grace, in honesty, in transparency and are much more likely to connect deeply with others rather than hide."

So, I urge all my Christian brothers and sisters:
A) Let's put down the fake walls of perfection- because you're really not fooling anyone- no one has it all together.
B) Let's watch our judgments toward one another. Let's not focus on religious thought-patterns than usually end up only tearing down a brother or sister in Christ [or your possible children] and not building them up when they're already in a vulnerable spot.
C) Let's extend grace and understanding to those who don't always think, act or talk like us. God made us all different, and we're all in different "growing" seasons. Don't shove your convictions on others. Because then it's not a conviction, it's a judgment—and aint nobody got time for that! ;)

My "Song of the Day" seemed fitting. If you don't extend some transparency and grace to your kids/friends/etc, they might end up writing a song like this for you... Just sayin.

Song of the Day:

Simple Plan- Perfect

Conflict: The True Story

This week I have been reading a lot on the subject of conflict.

God has purposefully dropped some huge lessons in my lap this week that I came upon without even Googling them, haha. They came at a very needed time. After the impact they have had on my perspective and spirit this week, how could I not share?

If you've read any of my other blogs, I have been admittedly in one of the hardest seasons of my life. And this subject of "conflict" is a theme in my life, especially the last few months. I have been extremely worn down, brokenhearted, weary, depressed—you name it—because of a couple different "conflicts" in my life. I'm one of those people that over-analyzes everything, thinks way too much, and well, I work in an office, so I have a lot of time to "dwell" and think about things [especially when they're going wrong].

Despite these things I struggle with, I know God has made me who I am. He knew I was gonna be an over-analyzer. He knew I was gonna be a very sensitive person. He knew I was gonna think a lot, care a lot, try to "fix" things a lot. Crazy enough, He actually uses some of these characteristics for His GLORY—despite the times I get in the way and take things to a level I shouldn't. Funny how He works like that.

I read a blog everyday by one of my favorite writers/authors, Donald Miller. He's awesome. Check him out. I was reading a free chapter online from his book "Storyline: Finding Your Subplot in God's Story", and guess what the subject of the only free chapter was about?! Yep: conflict!

He talks about conflict [trials, tribulations, suffering, struggles, controversy, quarrels] and quotes:

"Suffering ceases to be suffering when we understand it from a redemptive perspective." -Viktor Frankl 

A "redemptive perspective"—Yes. Exactly. God has been showing me this a lot lately. That's the mindset we need. Because whatever kind of "conflict" you're going through: you've lost a loved one, you've broken up with a gf/bf, you and your best friend are fighting, you've been raped, used, abused, mistreated, gossiped about, the list could go on and on—those "sufferings" don't have to define you. Change your perspective on your situation and God will redeem that situation and turn it all around. For GOOD.

Donald loves to use analogies like you're life is a story, or a movie. I love it. He says in any good story there has to be conflict. And while conflict can be difficult, painful, awful: most conflict will make us better in the end. For the whole, amazing chapter if you want to read it: click here. If not, here's the Cliffs Notes version ;)

Conflict is the only way a person changes: You cant change if you are content—being put under pressure is what will change you—We feel joy when we've conquered our conflict.

Conflict lends value to that which we attain: The pain of the journey makes us appreciate the beauty of the reward at the end—You wont value anything you didn't have to fight for!

Some conflict is intended by God: Donald talked about how Adam longed for something, but instead of giving him Eve right away, God made him name the animals—which he pointed out could have taken Adam anywhere from 10-100 yrs! Never thought about how long he "waited" for the "longings of his heart" (Eve, in this case). Conflict can build our character and have us appreciate His provision.

God can redeem ALL conflict: He wants us to display courage and hope in the midst of challenges. He'll use ALL things for good—We just have to give it up to Him, and let Him do what He does!

God call us into conflict:  He calls us into a life of meaning, not "comfort"... Jesus asks us to take up our cross and follow Him (Luke 9:23) —that's conflict. He actually told us there would be trials and tribulations (John 16:33). He never promised it would be easy—just worth it.

Conflict is resistance: The Bible talks about "fighting the good fight" and "running the race set before us".... Steven Pressfield says:

"When something beautiful is trying to come into the world it will face an equal and opposite resistance."  

So, if you consider yourself one of His—then you better believe what you have to offer this world is beautiful. So be assured: you're gonna face conflict, resistance, hurdles, trials, confusion—all of it—trying to bring your gift into this world and keep it there. But it's so worth it.

Living great stories means entering into a world of risk and fear. Did you know that it says "Do not fear" in the Bible, over 200 times??—we weren't designed to play it safe—we were designed for adventure! Your life was made for adventure. And so was mine.

Moral of the story: Conflict: Face it, redeem it, conquer it, & allow it to mold your character.

James said it best:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1:2-4

God is with you, through whatever conflict you may be going through right now. He's there. Call on His name. He's the only source of hope and peace that wont disappoint during hard times. I have to remind myself of this truth daily—but it will get better. It's true for me, and true for you too.

As my college ministry pastor Mario always said:
"God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good." :)

Song of the Day:

Misty Edwards- Turn it all around