A lot going on in my head, my heart, my life. It’s been a "meh" kind of week.
I had to face some things in the beginning of the week that I had been avoiding, and it really wore me down. I’m on this journey of overcoming some deep hurts in my heart, and this week I have definitely been tried.
That being said, I was really encouraged last night by my beautiful, wise friend Georgia. She shared with me a vision God gave her a few years ago that meant a lot to her, and she told it to me to encourage me. I asked her if I could share it.
Her vision was of her and Jesus. They are walking and talking in a garden, hand in hand. They take a walk down this path in the garden. Talking and enjoying each other. Then, a big storm comes out of no where. There’s a lot of wind and rain- she cant hear His voice anymore. But she can still feel His hand- so she's ok. Then, it starts to get really cold- she cant feel her hand in His anymore. But she can still see Him- so she’s ok. Then, it gets really dark. She cant even see Him now. She cant hear Him, she cant feel Him, and now she cant even see Him. Then her vision came to an end.
She asked God what this meant. And He told her [paraphrased by me]: “Remember this vision, you will need to remember it. Remember the beginning of it. Because hard times are coming. They’re going to come. But I told you I would never let go, no matter which way you went. I’ll always be walking beside you...I will always be here. Even when you cant “hear” me. Even when you cant “feel” me. Even when you cant “see” me. I’m here. Always.”
What a powerful vision. Especially for what I’m going through right now.
I've asked myself a lot lately “Where are you, God? I know You’re here. But I cant hear You...I cant feel You...And I definitely cant see You—in my prayers, in your people, anywhere.”
I’m going through some painful, unresolved situations with a few people I was very close to. And all of them are believers. I have begun to build up walls of hurt, shame, mistrust, and bitterness towards others because of that. I don't like this new person who keeps trying to appear, posing as “Keri”...it’s not me. I don't want to be that girl.
It’s funny how when people screw you over, we somehow turn our anger, mistrust and hurt on God. Like He’s the one that made them do and say hurtful things to you. He didn't though. And we have a choice to let these things define us, or drive us to be better, stronger people.
I so easily forget...but I was again reminded in a devotional I was reading yesterday:
“Life as a Christ follower will always be a learning process of depending less on our own strength and more on God’s power.” James 1:2-4 says:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”We assume that everything is great for those who have what we lack. Even though someone may not be struggling with what you’re struggling with, they sure do have other struggles that they have to depend on God for too. No one is immune from pain and suffering. We all go through it.
God is showing me a lot about not comparing, and a lot about being content. He’s teaching me even more about this “depending less on me and more on Him” thing.
Even when I cant “hear, feel or see” Him, I know He’s there—He was before, so He will be again. [He never left, that’s just how it feels]
The miracles, the prayers answered, the blessings—I’ve experienced them—and there will be more. Because He’s a good Father, and He has good things in store for me—and you!
I just want to encourage anyone reading this who ever feels forgotten, abandoned, rejected, replaced, disposable, used, etc—you’re not. People may make you feel that way, but God never will do those things to you. Zephaniah 3:17 says:
“The Lord your God in your midst,You are loved—by a great and Mighty God. Even when you cant “feel” Him... He’s there in your "midst". Going through that trial with you. Going through that pain with you. He’s there- understanding, sympathizing, caring, comforting. If you persevere—holding on to faith, hope and love—you will see Him.
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”
He’s the worst at hide and seek. He wants to be found and seen :)
New song from Bethel.
Perfect Song of the Day:
"I Can Feel You"
