It's A Hard Knock Life...So Grab a Helmet ;)

I've kind of had writers block for a few weeks.

I was telling a friend the other day that when I was going through a period of all this stress and drama and I seemed to have a lot more "inspiration" for my blog...he said something on the lines of "Oh, so there's no more drama and everything's going good all the time now?" And I laughed and said something like "Better than it was...at least, different kinds of obstacles now."

[obstacles- get it?! ;)]

But I've realized something lately, and that is the state of mind I've taken on.

I've had a lot of "people" hurts the past year, and I let a lot of those hurts change me and change the way I loved, pursued and even talked to people. I had to learn a lot of personal boundaries this year, and in figuring out what this looks like, I feel like I've kind of gone the extreme opposite route.

I have let people in my life that, in hindsight, really haven't treated me that well. As a person. As a friend. As a woman. You name it. No one is perfect, and we all have our faults, but I've allowed myself to be a doormat in a lot of friendships. I wanted to "love them" through things, but in allowing certain behaviors and repeated actions, and by not having a lot of self-worth, I set myself up for a handful of unhealthy relationships.

But praise God, He has freed me from a lot of that worthlessness, and unhealthy relationships.

That's a whole other blog in itself. That being said, I let these "hard lessons" change me...and make me hard. I haven't lost my old self completely, but I sure have lost a lot of her. I don't know if people on the outside would be able to tell. Unless you were one of my close friends, and actually knew about my "heart", you probably couldn't tell. On the surface, I continued to love, pursue and connect with people. But it was more shallow, and on the inside everything had changed.

This personal-heart-funk I've been going through this year has run it's course though. At least that's what I've decided. It's still extremely hard to trust people, and I'm still figuring out what boundaries are necessary and what ones aren't—but that's OK.

Trusting, loving, learning- it's all a process. Life is one big, crazy process, and the older I've gotten, the less hard I am on myself. You cant be—or you wont survive—at least with much joy.

Grace has been one of the biggest themes of my life of 2013. Grace for others, big time; but also, a lot of grace for myself.

God's not mad at me for not having it all figured out, for not getting it right every time, for messing up. And He's not mad at you either. He's proud of us for every right decision we make, for every right thought we have, and proud of us for just trying—He doesn't expect perfection. Otherwise, what was the point of Jesus' life? We cant save ourselves. We cant figure it all out. He's our Redemption.

I was reading a blog by Ally Vesterfelt today actually, and it's like she was "reading my mail", haha. It's called Why I Would Rather Be Crazy Than Boring. Read it all, but here's a key excerpt:

"I’d rather be this girl, the girl who is committed to forgive, and love, and move, and act, and let go, push forward and believe even when it doesn't make sense to believe; even if it means being disappointed, even if it means being hurt, again and again.
I’d rather set audacious goals, than to set mediocre ones I know I can meet, or not set goals at all, to maintain my fragile ego. I know that girl too well, and I don’t want to be her anymore.
I’d rather swing for the fences.
I’d rather be crazy.
I’d rather risk my whole life for something that matters than to get to the end and realized I played it safe so I could drive a nice car and own a leather couch. I’d rather hold to things loosely, feeling grateful for gifts as they come, and giving them away as they are needed by others.
I’d rather give to much than too little."

So this is my goal: To not be scared of rejection, pain, hurt, failure. To learn how to love again with my whole heart. To let God continue to put back together the pieces of my heart that have been damaged. He's faithful to complete what He started, and I know He's already started this.

I got angry this week when I thought about some Christians I know who are really hard to be around. Those kind of people who you either love 'em or hate 'em. You're either on their good side or their bad side. You either can talk freely or you feel like you have to walk on eggshells.

Lord, may I not be the kind of person who people are uneasy or weary about being around. We all have our flaws, but to not know—on a daily basis—if you're going to get a hateful word, a mean joke, a nasty glare, or an ignoring attitude from someone—kinda unacceptable if you ask me. And definitely not Christ-like. There's grace for them too, but there's also responsibility for our actions.

I've been really impacted by this revelation of love, and the power of our words over the past few months.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits." -Prov.18:21

Our words really do have power—use them for good—to encourage, honor, uplift, respect, & love.  Your words, jokes, texts, Facebook posts, all of it—they have the power to either encourage and honor someone, or discourage and dishonor them. We don't take enough responsibility sometimes for our words & actions.

Yeah, it really can be a "hard knock life", but you cant let the hardness of life turn your heart hard.

I don't know about you, but I just think life is way too short to be stingy and self-centered. It's a much more fulfilling life when you can freely love and give to others. Try it, if you're not already—it'll change your life. :)

Song of the Day:

"Hard Knock Life" from Annie, of course ;)

Mother Truckin' Transparency

When I woke up this morning I still hadn't decided what to write about, but then, after reading an email devotional from my boy Donald Miller, I was inspired.

The title was "Great Parents Seem To Do This Well". In it Donald says:

"Kids with parents who are open and honest about their own shortcomings are better adjusted, and parents who want to be seen as perfect have kids that often aren't."

He goes on to talk about how kids who grow up in homes where the parents are so focused on setting an example or coming across perfect "don’t feel permission to be human or flawed and don’t trust God has forgiven them."

This made me reflect on my interaction with a lot of Christians over the past few years, and made me reflect on myself. Because I got a news flash for all reading: I'm not perfect.

*GASP* Yep, I'm reaaaally sorry to burst your bubble, but it just isn't so... I'm not now, nor will I ever be.

Also, if you thought because I'm a Christian, I'm supposed to be perfect for that sole reason alone- then you must have never read the Bible... Haha, because it's showered with imperfect people...hot mess after hot mess...lots of flawed people that somehow, by the grace of God, He decided to use and love.

It literally wasn't until the past couple of years that I started to realize the importance of not trying to look like I have it all together, and just being more honest and transparent in my words and actions. Lately, I've been a little more extreme in this, but I don't think I need to apologize for it.

Example: Lately, I will from time-to-time drop a couple s-bombs [haha, like f-bombs, but you know, not that word]. Are you confused? Ok, let me just type the dreaded, "bad" word: shit. The past few months, "shit" has probably come out of my mouth more times that it ever has in my 27 years on this earth. Haha.

Am I an advocate for cussing? No. Am I an advocate for being real and transparent though? Yes.

Sometimes, in the heat of certain pains or circumstances, me saying the word "crap" does not suffice for what I'm really feeling and going through. If I'm talking to a close friend, crying my eyes out because of some pain I'm going through, and I say "There's just so much shit going on, I cant even function right"...should that Christian friend reprimand me and say "Keri! Don't say that!"? No. Not helpful, annoying, and they're definitely missing the point.

Do we need to be careful of our audience (i.e. young, impressionable children, etc) Yes, of course! Does it make me a "bad Christian" if I say shit sometimes? No, not at all. Because do you know what I've come to realize? Jesus doesn't give a shit if I say shit. [I almost titled the blog that, haha].

I'm smiling to myself as I write that, because I can just see the bugged-eyed, religious looks come across people's faces as they read that. Christians seem to care more about when other Christians cuss more than they seem to care if a fellow Christian is treating others badly, and dishonoring and disrespecting them in other ways. This just shouldn't be. Where are our priorities?

God cares about the heart of a person, the intent. I heard it put this way before: It's the context, not the content.

And yes, I'm familiar with all the Bible verses people recite to condemn people who cuss. They're all listed out here if you'd like to read them.

Make note, this is not a blog telling you if you're a Christian you should cuss freely and openly like everyone whenever, however, all the time. There's definitely much less offensive, more intelligent words to use in regular-day life... but FYI, using all those "Christianese cuss-words" doesn't make you any better than the person who actually says the real word.

Examples: Mother-trucker. Eff. Frick. Friggin. Flippin. Crap. Shiz. Shoot. Dang. Darn. Heck- to name a few. And I definitely use those too.

The point of my cussing rant?

People aren't perfect & we need to stop acting like we are. It's not helping anyone, especially those non-Christians we hope to influence or inspire with our lives.

Going back to what Donald, and I, are trying to relay: Transparency and not putting on a fake-I-got-it-all-together-face is what children and young adults need growing up from their parents and mentors. And my belief is it's what Christians need from each other too.

Donald finished by saying:

"If we want families that are less ordinary and more healthy, lets teach our kids, by example, that it’s okay to be human. When they’re old enough, lets begin to confess our sins to our children, even letting them know how sorry we are that our humanity has hurt them in some way. Kids who have parents who confess their sins grow up believing in grace, in honesty, in transparency and are much more likely to connect deeply with others rather than hide."

So, I urge all my Christian brothers and sisters:
A) Let's put down the fake walls of perfection- because you're really not fooling anyone- no one has it all together.
B) Let's watch our judgments toward one another. Let's not focus on religious thought-patterns than usually end up only tearing down a brother or sister in Christ [or your possible children] and not building them up when they're already in a vulnerable spot.
C) Let's extend grace and understanding to those who don't always think, act or talk like us. God made us all different, and we're all in different "growing" seasons. Don't shove your convictions on others. Because then it's not a conviction, it's a judgment—and aint nobody got time for that! ;)

My "Song of the Day" seemed fitting. If you don't extend some transparency and grace to your kids/friends/etc, they might end up writing a song like this for you... Just sayin.

Song of the Day:

Simple Plan- Perfect