It's A Hard Knock Life...So Grab a Helmet ;)

I've kind of had writers block for a few weeks.

I was telling a friend the other day that when I was going through a period of all this stress and drama and I seemed to have a lot more "inspiration" for my blog...he said something on the lines of "Oh, so there's no more drama and everything's going good all the time now?" And I laughed and said something like "Better than it was...at least, different kinds of obstacles now."

[obstacles- get it?! ;)]

But I've realized something lately, and that is the state of mind I've taken on.

I've had a lot of "people" hurts the past year, and I let a lot of those hurts change me and change the way I loved, pursued and even talked to people. I had to learn a lot of personal boundaries this year, and in figuring out what this looks like, I feel like I've kind of gone the extreme opposite route.

I have let people in my life that, in hindsight, really haven't treated me that well. As a person. As a friend. As a woman. You name it. No one is perfect, and we all have our faults, but I've allowed myself to be a doormat in a lot of friendships. I wanted to "love them" through things, but in allowing certain behaviors and repeated actions, and by not having a lot of self-worth, I set myself up for a handful of unhealthy relationships.

But praise God, He has freed me from a lot of that worthlessness, and unhealthy relationships.

That's a whole other blog in itself. That being said, I let these "hard lessons" change me...and make me hard. I haven't lost my old self completely, but I sure have lost a lot of her. I don't know if people on the outside would be able to tell. Unless you were one of my close friends, and actually knew about my "heart", you probably couldn't tell. On the surface, I continued to love, pursue and connect with people. But it was more shallow, and on the inside everything had changed.

This personal-heart-funk I've been going through this year has run it's course though. At least that's what I've decided. It's still extremely hard to trust people, and I'm still figuring out what boundaries are necessary and what ones aren't—but that's OK.

Trusting, loving, learning- it's all a process. Life is one big, crazy process, and the older I've gotten, the less hard I am on myself. You cant be—or you wont survive—at least with much joy.

Grace has been one of the biggest themes of my life of 2013. Grace for others, big time; but also, a lot of grace for myself.

God's not mad at me for not having it all figured out, for not getting it right every time, for messing up. And He's not mad at you either. He's proud of us for every right decision we make, for every right thought we have, and proud of us for just trying—He doesn't expect perfection. Otherwise, what was the point of Jesus' life? We cant save ourselves. We cant figure it all out. He's our Redemption.

I was reading a blog by Ally Vesterfelt today actually, and it's like she was "reading my mail", haha. It's called Why I Would Rather Be Crazy Than Boring. Read it all, but here's a key excerpt:

"I’d rather be this girl, the girl who is committed to forgive, and love, and move, and act, and let go, push forward and believe even when it doesn't make sense to believe; even if it means being disappointed, even if it means being hurt, again and again.
I’d rather set audacious goals, than to set mediocre ones I know I can meet, or not set goals at all, to maintain my fragile ego. I know that girl too well, and I don’t want to be her anymore.
I’d rather swing for the fences.
I’d rather be crazy.
I’d rather risk my whole life for something that matters than to get to the end and realized I played it safe so I could drive a nice car and own a leather couch. I’d rather hold to things loosely, feeling grateful for gifts as they come, and giving them away as they are needed by others.
I’d rather give to much than too little."

So this is my goal: To not be scared of rejection, pain, hurt, failure. To learn how to love again with my whole heart. To let God continue to put back together the pieces of my heart that have been damaged. He's faithful to complete what He started, and I know He's already started this.

I got angry this week when I thought about some Christians I know who are really hard to be around. Those kind of people who you either love 'em or hate 'em. You're either on their good side or their bad side. You either can talk freely or you feel like you have to walk on eggshells.

Lord, may I not be the kind of person who people are uneasy or weary about being around. We all have our flaws, but to not know—on a daily basis—if you're going to get a hateful word, a mean joke, a nasty glare, or an ignoring attitude from someone—kinda unacceptable if you ask me. And definitely not Christ-like. There's grace for them too, but there's also responsibility for our actions.

I've been really impacted by this revelation of love, and the power of our words over the past few months.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits." -Prov.18:21

Our words really do have power—use them for good—to encourage, honor, uplift, respect, & love.  Your words, jokes, texts, Facebook posts, all of it—they have the power to either encourage and honor someone, or discourage and dishonor them. We don't take enough responsibility sometimes for our words & actions.

Yeah, it really can be a "hard knock life", but you cant let the hardness of life turn your heart hard.

I don't know about you, but I just think life is way too short to be stingy and self-centered. It's a much more fulfilling life when you can freely love and give to others. Try it, if you're not already—it'll change your life. :)

Song of the Day:

"Hard Knock Life" from Annie, of course ;)

One Thing God Stinks At: Hide n Seek

So, I've been trying to figure out what to write about this week. 

A lot going on in my head, my heart, my life. It’s been a "meh" kind of week. 

I had to face some things in the beginning of the week that I had been avoiding, and it really wore me down. I’m on this journey of overcoming some deep hurts in my heart, and this week I have definitely been tried. 

That being said, I was really encouraged last night by my beautiful, wise friend Georgia. She shared with me a vision God gave her a few years ago that meant a lot to her, and she told it to me to encourage me. I asked her if I could share it.

Her vision was of her and Jesus. They are walking and talking in a garden, hand in hand. They take a walk down this path in the garden. Talking and enjoying each other. Then, a big storm comes out of no where. There’s a lot of wind and rain- she cant hear His voice anymore. But she can still feel His hand- so she's ok. Then, it starts to get really cold- she cant feel her hand in His anymore. But she can still see Him- so she’s ok. Then, it gets really dark. She cant even see Him now. She cant hear Him, she cant feel Him, and now she cant even see Him. Then her vision came to an end.

She asked God what this meant. And He told her [paraphrased by me]: “Remember this vision, you will need to remember it. Remember the beginning of it. Because hard times are coming. They’re going to come. But I told you I would never let go, no matter which way you went. I’ll always be walking beside you...I will always be here. Even when you cant “hear” me. Even when you cant “feel” me. Even when you cant “see” me. I’m here. Always.”

What a powerful vision. Especially for what I’m going through right now. 

I've asked myself a lot lately “Where are you, God? I know You’re here. But I cant hear You...I cant feel You...And I definitely cant see You—in my prayers, in your people, anywhere.” 

I’m going through some painful, unresolved situations with a few people I was very close to. And all of them are believers. I have begun to build up walls of hurt, shame, mistrust, and bitterness towards others because of that. I don't like this new person who keeps trying to appear, posing as “Keri”...it’s not me. I don't want to be that girl.

It’s funny how when people screw you over, we somehow turn our anger, mistrust and hurt on God. Like He’s the one that made them do and say hurtful things to you. He didn't though. And we have a choice to let these things define us, or drive us to be better, stronger people. 

I so easily forget...but I was again reminded in a devotional I was reading yesterday:

“Life as a Christ follower will always be a learning process of depending less on our own strength and more on God’s power.” James 1:2-4 says:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

We assume that everything is great for those who have what we lack. Even though someone may not be struggling with what you’re struggling with, they sure do have other struggles that they have to depend on God for too. No one is immune from pain and suffering. We all go through it.

God is showing me a lot about not comparing, and a lot about being content. He’s teaching me even more about this “depending less on me and more on Him” thing.

Even when I cant “hear, feel or see” Him, I know He’s there—He was before, so He will be again. [He never left, that’s just how it feels]

The miracles, the prayers answered, the blessings—I’ve experienced them—and there will be more. Because He’s a good Father, and He has good things in store for me—and you!

I just want to encourage anyone reading this who ever feels forgotten, abandoned, rejected, replaced, disposable, used, etc—you’re not. People may make you feel that way, but God never will do those things to you. Zephaniah 3:17 says:

“The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”

You are loved—by a great and Mighty God. Even when you cant “feel” Him... He’s there in your "midst". Going through that trial with you. Going through that pain with you. He’s there- understanding, sympathizing, caring, comforting. If you persevere—holding on to faith, hope and love—you will see Him. 

He’s the worst at hide and seek. He wants to be found and seen :)

New song from Bethel. 

Perfect Song of the Day:

"I Can Feel You"

Going Raw: More Than a 30-day Challenge

Today is the first day of a 30-day Raw Challenge I'm doing with two of my friends. Just had lunch: so far so good, haha. For those of you who don't know what that entails me eating, here's a lovely food pyramid of the only stuff I'm allowed to eat:

I know it will be a challenge, but considering how disciplined I've been in my diet the past 3-4 months [having already lost 50 lbs] I'm only cutting out a few more things now to go "raw"... I'm ready for the challenge, so I'm all in!

As I was thinking about "going raw" for 30 days I started thinking about how I've been "going raw" spiritually the past few months too—but it definitely wasn't my idea—and it's been going on way longer than 30 days.

I have been in this grueling, painful, "raw" process all summer. God has been revealing a lot of stuff to me for months, but I wasn't fully grasping or listening. I was weak. I didn't know how to value myself, or honor what God has created me for.

It took some very painful experiences to actually get to a place of being "raw" with Jesus, and letting Him do what He really wants to do in my heart and life.

What do I mean by "raw"? Well let's start with some definitions:

raw  [raw]  
1.uncooked, as articles of food: a raw carrot. 
2.not having undergone processes of preparing, dressing, finishing, refining, or manufacture: raw cotton. 
3.unnaturally or painfully exposed, as flesh, by removal of the skin or natural integument. 
4.painfully open, as a sore or wound. 
5.ignorant, inexperienced, or untrained: a raw recruit. 
6.brutally or grossly frank: a raw portrayal of human passions.

There were a lot more definitions. But I really relate to words like "unnaturally or painfully exposed",  "painfully open", and "ignorant, inexperienced, or untrained"... The stuff I've had to go through personally is excruciating and hard. I feel like I've lost parts of myself, and of my heart, and I have to pray daily that God will completely restore it. Being somewhat "ignorant, inexperienced, and untrained" is also what led me to a lot of this "rawness" I've been experiencing.

But I believe that what Paul talks about happening to himself in 2 Corinthians 12 is what a lot of us will walk through, have walked through, or are currently walking through in some shape or form:

"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I'm not sure exactly what this "thorn" was [or "handicap" as other translations refer to it] but it's a reminder of how God will allow things, circumstances, trials, etc, to come into our life—so that when these storms of life come against us, we can lean on Jesus—because He is strong. His grace is enough.

Too often we lean not on Him, but on OURSELVES and OTHERS to get through pain and hardships. And that's not how it works.

God has had to strip me down to the raw, nitty-gritty. I'm nowhere near the same person I was a year ago, or even 6 months ago, and I don't ever want to go back. My life, my mentality, my concerns—they might have been much more "safe" and carefree back then...but it was getting me nowhere and I was being deceived—not only by people, but by myself.

Ignorance may be bliss, but I know that the lessons I am learning and the things I am walking through are all a part of a greater purpose—a greater story. And God is the BEST Author and Storyteller.

This story may have a WHOLE lotta conflict and pain in it, but I know the climax and resolution are gonna be amazing—and worth the trials and pain.

I'm still feeling "raw". I'm still learning, struggling, hurting. I forget that He is enough. That He says I am worthy. That there is more. That He is good. I forget sometimes. But then I press in.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 3:12-14

I was reading a devotional by Christina Caine and I really loved the correlation she made between physical and spiritual health. Here's an excerpt:

"I believe that as Christians we all possess a sincere desire to love God with all our hearts, yet we often unknowingly allow little things to build up inside of us. Slowly, these small subtle obstructions form very large blockages, which over a period of time clog our spiritual arteries and harden our hearts by depriving them of access to their life source. We must do whatever it takes to ensure that these have no place in our lives as followers of Jesus."

My advice: live a RAW life.

[not the WWE kind- I just like the pic] ;)

Let God strip away all the lies, all the dirt, all the grime—even if it's "painfully open" or "painfully exposed"—it'll be worth it in the end. Because raw is real—and why be anything but that?

Song of the Day:

Katy Perry- Roar

[my anthem of the moment] :)

Conflict: The True Story

This week I have been reading a lot on the subject of conflict.

God has purposefully dropped some huge lessons in my lap this week that I came upon without even Googling them, haha. They came at a very needed time. After the impact they have had on my perspective and spirit this week, how could I not share?

If you've read any of my other blogs, I have been admittedly in one of the hardest seasons of my life. And this subject of "conflict" is a theme in my life, especially the last few months. I have been extremely worn down, brokenhearted, weary, depressed—you name it—because of a couple different "conflicts" in my life. I'm one of those people that over-analyzes everything, thinks way too much, and well, I work in an office, so I have a lot of time to "dwell" and think about things [especially when they're going wrong].

Despite these things I struggle with, I know God has made me who I am. He knew I was gonna be an over-analyzer. He knew I was gonna be a very sensitive person. He knew I was gonna think a lot, care a lot, try to "fix" things a lot. Crazy enough, He actually uses some of these characteristics for His GLORY—despite the times I get in the way and take things to a level I shouldn't. Funny how He works like that.

I read a blog everyday by one of my favorite writers/authors, Donald Miller. He's awesome. Check him out. I was reading a free chapter online from his book "Storyline: Finding Your Subplot in God's Story", and guess what the subject of the only free chapter was about?! Yep: conflict!

He talks about conflict [trials, tribulations, suffering, struggles, controversy, quarrels] and quotes:

"Suffering ceases to be suffering when we understand it from a redemptive perspective." -Viktor Frankl 

A "redemptive perspective"—Yes. Exactly. God has been showing me this a lot lately. That's the mindset we need. Because whatever kind of "conflict" you're going through: you've lost a loved one, you've broken up with a gf/bf, you and your best friend are fighting, you've been raped, used, abused, mistreated, gossiped about, the list could go on and on—those "sufferings" don't have to define you. Change your perspective on your situation and God will redeem that situation and turn it all around. For GOOD.

Donald loves to use analogies like you're life is a story, or a movie. I love it. He says in any good story there has to be conflict. And while conflict can be difficult, painful, awful: most conflict will make us better in the end. For the whole, amazing chapter if you want to read it: click here. If not, here's the Cliffs Notes version ;)

Conflict is the only way a person changes: You cant change if you are content—being put under pressure is what will change you—We feel joy when we've conquered our conflict.

Conflict lends value to that which we attain: The pain of the journey makes us appreciate the beauty of the reward at the end—You wont value anything you didn't have to fight for!

Some conflict is intended by God: Donald talked about how Adam longed for something, but instead of giving him Eve right away, God made him name the animals—which he pointed out could have taken Adam anywhere from 10-100 yrs! Never thought about how long he "waited" for the "longings of his heart" (Eve, in this case). Conflict can build our character and have us appreciate His provision.

God can redeem ALL conflict: He wants us to display courage and hope in the midst of challenges. He'll use ALL things for good—We just have to give it up to Him, and let Him do what He does!

God call us into conflict:  He calls us into a life of meaning, not "comfort"... Jesus asks us to take up our cross and follow Him (Luke 9:23) —that's conflict. He actually told us there would be trials and tribulations (John 16:33). He never promised it would be easy—just worth it.

Conflict is resistance: The Bible talks about "fighting the good fight" and "running the race set before us".... Steven Pressfield says:

"When something beautiful is trying to come into the world it will face an equal and opposite resistance."  

So, if you consider yourself one of His—then you better believe what you have to offer this world is beautiful. So be assured: you're gonna face conflict, resistance, hurdles, trials, confusion—all of it—trying to bring your gift into this world and keep it there. But it's so worth it.

Living great stories means entering into a world of risk and fear. Did you know that it says "Do not fear" in the Bible, over 200 times??—we weren't designed to play it safe—we were designed for adventure! Your life was made for adventure. And so was mine.

Moral of the story: Conflict: Face it, redeem it, conquer it, & allow it to mold your character.

James said it best:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1:2-4

God is with you, through whatever conflict you may be going through right now. He's there. Call on His name. He's the only source of hope and peace that wont disappoint during hard times. I have to remind myself of this truth daily—but it will get better. It's true for me, and true for you too.

As my college ministry pastor Mario always said:
"God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good." :)

Song of the Day:

Misty Edwards- Turn it all around

Jesus Killed My Plans

This whole week I've been trying to absorb what I learned from this book I just read, called Jesus Killed My Church, by Randy Bohlender. I'm part of this book club where I get to read free eBooks once a month or something...this was the first one I got.

"Jesus Killed My Church" is the story of a church plant that should have gone gangbusters yet managed to go bust, and a church planter who learned that the only measure of success is recognizing the leadership of Jesus as perfect. Randy Bohlender relays his lessons learned in a humorous way that drives home a point – that God has a plan even when ours fall apart." [Amazon]

I thought, "Uhhh, Im not looking to plant a church anywhere...why would I read this"...but then I saw the "God has a plan even when ours fall apart" part...and thought, "Yeah, maybe I should read this."

It's a miracle I finished it—not because it was too long or boring—I just have a hard time finishing books. But from the first chapter, I was enthralled in this man's story. His story-telling style was so captivating. I wanted to keep reading. He has amazing accounts of miracles, confirmations, and God's CRAZY provision in his family's life.

Randy says:

"God is forever writing our story, and He gives us the dignity of being able to introduce characters that occasionally wrinkle the plot. Often we fear that we've permanently changed the trajectory of what might have been if we’d only been more obedient or pious. He smiles at this. He alone knows how many pages He has left before He needs to bring resolve, and He knows that it’s going to be okay."

It's ok to fail. It's ok to not get it right the first time. Or even the second time. I've really struggled this past year with believing this though. 

Last year, at this exact time, I was planning to move to NYC to pursue my dream of doing something media/broadcasting-related. I told everyone I was going. I even started to give away stuff that I couldnt take with me. For months beforehand, I was messaging strangers, acquaintances, friends, family, etc, seeking out connections on where to move, etc. I even joined a roommate-finder website! 

I was saving money all year. Then my car started dying—$700—bye. Then my job cut my hours from full-time to part-time—that extra ~$400 dollars a month—deuces. I couldn't save money to save my life, and I couldn't find a roommate/place to live.

I was planning on moving in August. It was the end of June, and nothing was working out. Come mid-July, I had to make a decision. Go out on a limb with the $1200 i had to my name and move without having a solid plan, or, lay down this dream for the time being and find a place to rent in Sarasota. 

Obviously, I stayed. It felt like I was trying to force God's timing. And He wasnt having it.

I had truly believed that God was releasing me to move finally. My parents were moving, all these friends of mine were getting married, moving away, or moving on. I thought "It's my time! Why am I staying? I need to go after my dreams and just DO SOMETHING!" 

But it just didn't work out how I thought it would. 

Honestly, I've struggled with a lot of hurt from God since then. Not anger, just hurt and confusion. I have big dreams in my heart, big plans for my future—plans and dreams I feel like He placed in me. And none of them are coming to pass in Florida. Year by year has gone by, and all these people around me are moving, changing, progressing, and I felt like I was in this cycle of constant "change", but the change wasn't happening IN me, only to me and around me.

Randy also says:

"In the moment, I rarely fully know what God is doing. I try—really, I do—but I’m almost incapable of stepping back and seeing the long view that God takes. His answers are always more complicated, more magnificent, and more character-building than I would have expected (and sadly, often more character building than I would have chosen)."

I know my time here has not been in vain. I've met some great people, but many of them have—for lack of a better phrase—"left me", and moved on to other things, other friends, other places. But I'm still here. It's hard to understand "why", but I know all of this might not be revealed to me til a later time in life.

Jesus has been doing a huge work in my heart here the past 4 years. I've gone through so much inner healing and refining, I'm surprised I didn't fall into deep depression. I struggle with depression, but it's in spouts, and by the grace of God, I always somehow seem to come out of it.

The thing I have to constantly remind myself and hold onto:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28

At the end of Randy's book, he points out: God’s purposes really do work toward good. And how most of us dont really believe this—and if we do, we don’t align our minds with what we believe. Our hearts may believe in this "powerful, almighty God" with a good, kind Spirit, but our heart still remains guarded, anticipating hurt and even a bad outcome from His leading. I know that's how I've been living this past year. But not anymore. 

God is giving me so much peace and revelation about His will, His timing, and just His very nature. He loves me. I'm His daughter. He has my best in mind. He has good things in store for me. My job isn't to figure it all out, it's to remain faithful, righteous and to love. In all that I do. Wherever I am.

As Randy encouraged, I'm gonna trust more, lean in farther, pray harder, and enjoy His hand at work even when its doing things that I cant understand.

Nothing is in vain. Nothing is wasted. Even when I make unwise choices, I cant derail myself from God's course and screw up what He has purposed and destined for me to do. It just might not come as quickly or unfold how I thought it would.

Philippians 1:6 says 

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." ...So shove it, Satan. :)

Good things to come.

Song of the day [been stuck in my head all morning :)]:

Everything Sad Is Coming Untrue

I'm a lil nervous of being too "vulnerable", but if my experiences, struggles, etc can bring any kind of hope or help to someone out there, then it's worth it :)

So, here I am today. Brokenhearted. Weary. Burdened. Depressed. You name it- I feel it. I've been struggling with these feelings the past few months, but overwhelmingly the past few weeks.

What is brokenhearted? To be "burdened or overwhelmed with great sorrow, grief, or disappointment; heartsick."  Yep, that's me. The "what" I'm going through right now doesn't matter as much as the "how" will I overcome this part.

Yesterday's sermon at church really spoke to my heart. We had a special guest: J. Lee Grady- love him. There was so much in the message to take, but the overall theme: Overcome & Persevere.

He referred to John 16:33: 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Jesus clearly tells us "you WILL have trouble" in this world. Life wasn't promised to be easy for us. As Christians, sometimes our faith becomes so rattled and shaken when we face rough times. We must not be reading our Bibles I guess...cuz it's showered with godly men & women who go through trial after trial, hardship after hardship, etc (i.e. Job, Esther, Daniel, the disciples...the list goes on and on). 

They were put through unimaginable trials and tribulations. Yet, they persevered. I'm sure they had their moments...I'm sure they got angry, bitter, depressed, stressed, etc...but they chose to "overcome" their circumstances--and hold onto God's promises for their lives. And look at what God did with all of them!

J. Lee Grady made this really cool point about a Bamboo tree. This is the short-not-as-informed-on-bamboo-trees version ;) I did Wikipedia bamboo trees, and its not the same across the board for all bamboo tree species, but what J. Lee Grady said still rings true: 

Bamboo trees take years to actually start growing after being planted. He said about 6 yrs. Then, in the 7th year, all of a sudden, they can grow over 3 feet in 24 hours! Then, in the following 3 to 4 months, they'll grow to their full height! (FYI: the average bamboo tree can get anywhere from 15–40 feet high)

So, after not growing an inch for YEARS, all of a sudden, they spring forth and come to fullness in 3 to 4 months! That's amazing...but what was even cooler, was the correlation he made between that and Christians going through hard times.

It's just like that sometimes: Weeks, months, sometimes YEARS of waiting,...wondering when this "season" will end...when will this trial or tribulation be over...when will I see "growth" and "change"...and this lil bamboo tree reminds us that it may take awhile...but it WILL happen. It can often be like a big BAM: it's here! Other times its a gradual process...but its a process, nonetheless. And If you're going through that process right now, I feel you. I'm right there with you.

But if you lean on God, you can overcome.

I just heard this song "Everything Sad Is Coming Untrue", by Jason Gray, for the first time last week...great songwriter. There's a part 1 & 2 of the song. In part 2 he sings:

The winter can make us wonder if spring was ever true
But every winter breaks upon the Easter lily's bloom
Could it be everything sad is coming untrue?
Could you believe everything sad is coming untrue?

Broken hearts are being unbroken
Bitter words are being unspoken
The curse undone, the veil is parted
The garden gate will be left unguarded

Could it be everything sad is coming untrue?
Oh, I believe everything sad is coming untrue
In the hands of the One who is making all things new.

So beautiful. He makes ALL things new. Even our broken hearts.

Everything "sad" in us right now will one day become "untrue"...God is more than capable of reversing the damage done to us by people, the hurts of this world, ourselves- He wants to heal us. The question is, will we persevere through the trials and tribulations...will our faith be unmovable, unshakable...will we hold on, even if it takes months, or years? I pray for all of you that you will. And I pray for myself every day. 

Life is painful. But God has not turned His back on me, or you. Believe His word and His promises. 


Quote of the day:

“We want to avoid suffering, death, sin, ashes. But we live in a world crushed and broken and torn, a world God Himself visited to redeem. We receive his poured-out life, and being allowed the high privilege of suffering with Him, may then pour ourselves out for others.” -Elisabeth Elliot 

Song of the day:

First.blog.ever. Here I go!

I'm not really sure my "direction" for my blog yet, but we'll start with just whats on my mind and what's going on in my life at the moment! Sound good? :)

So let's start with my "username" for the blog: ekballor. I wanted it to be "ekballo" --a Greek word I've been reading about-- no "r", but that was taken. So I figured, since I am a "baller", I should make it "ekballor"...it just made sense ;)

I read about this Greek word "ekballo" on this guys blog I've been reading. His name is Randy Bohlender (http://randybohlender.com/blog/) and I'm reading his book "Jesus Killed My Church"--highly recommended.

Anyways, he was talking about this word. Here's the rundown:

A few definitions for ekballo:
a great thrusting or casting out, sending. 
to draw out, extract, one thing inserted in another.
to bring out of, to draw or bring forth. 
to lead one forth or away somewhere with a force which he cannot resist

The word is used in a few very different contexts in the Bible.
-When Jesus went to the desert for the season of testing, it said He was a driven – or ekballo‘d – man. (Mark 1)
-When casting out demons, Jesus proposed that they must be "driven out" – ekballo. (Mark 1, 3, 5,6,7,9)
-He also used ekballo when telling us to pray that laborers be sent forth into the harvest. (Heb. 11) He pointed out how people are sometimes "sent forth" with the same sort of violent thrust that was used to cast demons out of people! Crazy.

Randy's point:
"We all anticipate that an ekballo moment would be difficult for demons. What makes us think it would be comfortable for us? Sometimes, we’re pretty "entrenched" ourselves. The tearing and shoving that it takes for us to move out of our comfort zone is painful."

"Too many have struggled to stay where they are when they encountered their ekballo moment because they could not conceive of something being at once God’s will and painful."

Why am I retelling what I read on someone else's blog? Because it encouraged me, opened my eyes, and made me realize this is my "ekballo" season.

God has been doing so many things in my heart and life the past 4 years since graduating college. I have often gotten discouraged, wondering "why am I here?", "what am I doing with my life?", "why am I going through this?" but I've come to a peace with God's timing. And more importantly: His promises. This past year He has "thrust" me into situation after situation, "cast out of me, drawn out, extracted" fear after fear, lie after lie, and I've never felt so determined and challenged in my whole life.

The biggest fear I overcame happened only a few weeks ago, with my boarding a plane for the 1st time in 27 years. I was terrified of flying- the mere thought brought me great anxiety and fear. But I knew it had to be conquered and was holding me back in life. It's probably gonna always be one of the biggest fears I've ever had to overcome.

Anyways, long story short: I'm not scared anymore. I do have other things-as-of-yet-to-be-conquered, but alot of these other things are in the works, and im crossing off goal after goal. I truly believe this is my "ekballo" year, and I am so excited for what else God is gonna bring forth [ekballo!] in and out of me.

My heart is open and ready, and He can "ekballo" me wherever He wants, however He wants!

Thanks for reading my first blog. More to come :)

Quote of the day: 

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are." -Max Depree

Song of the day: